haha! and here we go (its a two in one deal)

tonight...was hilarious! if i could do it again... i honestly think it couldn't have been better!

Well, happy birthday to DC~great kid!

He had a surprise birthday party, that maija and i showed up late to (YES MAIJA IS HOME!!), but it was like the second surprise, and it was just a lot of random people hanging out, which is totally awesome, but still either totally akward or extremly funny! in my case extremely funny! so tonight went down as one of the funniest nights of the summer! woot!

Thanks DC for making it happen by being born!

Anyways, i'm finished with all of my nannying for the next ten days, however its going totake a while for me to get out of "mommy" mode. I wonder how steve did on being "Mr. mom?" Tomorrow, i gotta get up early, clean my room, take mommasita to her car deal thingy, then pack, then mow the lawn. of course that list is not in order, but hey...its all good. Then i leave to go to Stevo's for the weekend! WOOT! i am so ready and excited for a nice refreshing relaxing weekend! it is going to be amazing!

Sometimes i want to be a fool, but not now..."a fool gives full vent to his anger, but a wise man keeps himself under control" -Proverbs 29:11 well i sure hope that i can be wise! "Anger makes you smaller, while forgiveness forces you to grow beyond what you were. "
-Cherie Carter-Scott, hmm...God can forgive me, maybe i can be forgiving as well...as much as i don't want to be, and he's still gonna hear what i have to say, in a nice way of course!

"There are some people who live in a dream world, and there are some who face reality; and then there are those who turn one into the other. "
-Douglas Everett

"When you are seventeen you aren't really serious. "
--Arthur Rimbaud, French Poet
If arthur's right... life's not gonna be too fun when i'm 18

Caffiene

wow...first of all, don't drink a cup of coffee, then go to caribou and get an iced moosed medium espresso (Thats three shots of espresso i think)! i can hear everything. I can't control the speed at which my hands move. They move faster than my mind thinks! my pupils in my eyes are tiny as something tiny. my legs are getting really wobbly, and i am thinking way more than normal. I am wired! opps! well now i know

So, i was thinking this morning...which isn't a bad thing...but...i think i'm growing up...now a lot of the time i think i've already grown up, and that i am ready to move out and go to college, but i realized that i'm not. Which ironically means i'm growing up. Not only am i learning way more information on being and adult and a mom, at my nanny job, but i'm realizing that i am not independent yet. As much as i feel i am, i'm not. So, we'll see if i've grown up in a few months.

Crazy

Sometimes....sometimes i start to think...which isn't a bad thing, until i start to think that I am crazy. And a majority of the time that i spend thinking, i endup at the conclusion or resolution that i am crazy. Definition of crazy: look it up yourself

Why? Why you ask do i think i am crazy? wellheres the list:
-i am spending half of my summer with three children.
-i stay up way past 11:00 to read or write music
-i always find ways to be busy, no matter where i am or what time of the year
-i somehow can't escape daydreaming...about the future, college, music, the school newspaper (that says crazy all over it), but most of all Wade.
-i discover that i would rather spend my summer sitting at home, or working than going to the beach, going shopping, or anything else summery you can think of
-sometimes i sit in my car and think, i leave the radio off and think...about nothing, and yet everything.
So, am i crazy or am i just another teen?

Whatever i am, i haven't quite figured out if i like it. I don't like knowing that in the solitude of my head or my car i spend my time talking things out in my head as if i am talking to myself, i don't like that no matter how many times i tell myself it'd be better to go to bed early, i still stay up late, and write in here..., and no matter how many things i have to distract me, i still find myself daydreaming about the silliest of things, and no matter how hot it is outside or how many nights i've gotten to go out and be with friends, or not have to do any homework, i am still busy. So...i guess i don't like to be what i am, and if i am crazy i don't want to be. But then am i saying that i don't like to be me? See i am crazy, i've analyzed this way too much...well...maybe i'll play a lil guitar...yep

g'night

dos dias con mi

Tuesdays post
What to say what to say...it rained yesturday...a lot...it stormed and hailed and tornado sirens went off, and it was downright CRAZY! but kinda cool at the same time...
until our electricity went out...that sucked i was checking my mail, and trying to watch a movie and both were interupted! GRR! so when my rents got home we lit some candles, i played piano by flashlight... and then my mom got the old battery operated wind up radio thing... then we sat around and made hand puppets on the wall...yes, it was strange....
today i'm doing the same ol, same ol.

Monday's post
Last night's phone convo with wade was awesome...i don't really know how to explain it...but it wasn't just a regular phone call, like it wasn't just hi, hows it going what have you been up to okay i gotta go. it was more. its hard to explain
well today starts another week! woot woot! i think maija comes back on wednesday maybe!? hopefully!? lets see...i'll probably clean my room today. Its raining...
Not to much else on my mind...later!

another day goes by...

Hello! well, today was an interesting day i guess. Got up early for church. that was swell. Came home, and pretty much did nothing all day. I got really crabby though by the end of the day. I think its because i haven't gotten decent sleep in a long time. I went to target (twice) and talked to wade. He's good. I don't know how i feel right now. I'm kinda crabby, but i don't know what its about. oh well.

Heres a sweet quote from the book i'm reading "Three Weeks With my Brother" :
"Dreams are alays crushing when they don't come true. But its the simple dreams that are so often the most painful becuase they seem so personal, so reasonable, so attainable. You're always close enough to touch,but never quite close enough to hold, and its enough to break your heart."
-Nicholas Sparks
Told ya it was good.
I got another new cd! its Dave Matthews Band: Stand Up! it's pretty decent.
I wrote a new song last night...at like midnight....i don't know where it came from but here it is:

Do you want the truth today?
Do you really want to know what I have to say?

Then stay a little while
Until I find the words I need to borrow today
Just stay

Do you have the patience to wait
And listen to our hearts break?
Do you know how to put the pieces back together
After I’ve taken them apart?

Then stay a little while
Until I find the words that I need to borrow today
Then stay a little while
Until I find the words that I need to borrow today
Just stay

Do you want it?
Can you hand it?
Okay, here’s the truth
I fell in love with you
So go away a little while
I borrowed the words to say today
Just go away
I fell in love with you
Please don’t stay
Please go away
For both our sakes
I’m sorry
i like it cause its kinda strange... I tell him to stay but after i share the truth, i don't want to have to deal with it. Like theres going to be consequences. It's kind of like me and wade i guess...sometimes i wonder if it would have been easier if we never started to care about each other. Don't get me wrong i'm way thankful and completly happy and content, i'm just saying i have no clue where my mind came up with this song, but maybe it was my subconscience...
Night

Inspiration!

wow...today was interesting. I went golfing with my dad this morning and i haven't golfed in like four years, and i'd say i did pretty well. Then i came home and made lunch for the family, and then i washed a bike, and then i filled a cement bottle. (don't ask) then, i walked the dog. It was kind of a day filled with chores, but kind of not. I filled my gas tank up today. Last week it cost me $45.76 this week was $36.01 YUCK!
So i went and saw my friend Brooke's show tonight. She was amazing! she is such an inspiration! she's played piano for like 17 years and is such an encouragment. I already have three ideas for songs.
well tomorrows sunday! last day of the weekend, and then nanning for four days then off to Steve's cabin! WOOT!

Uh...hi...

Hey to you! meaning Samara...and whoever else might happen to stumble across this little posting. Well, i figured it would be easier for you, (Samara) to read what's on my mind, without having to travel all over the internet and have something local, so i got a blog at blogger too, and it'll say pretty much the same thing as my xanga.

So, in the past week i've ran into like 6 people from Col. Heights. it was not exciting, it was frustrating. I hate having to be all "happy" and "fake" just to get through a conversation with someone i haven't talked to in...two years. Then i feel guilty for not talking to them, and its all just poop.

Well, tonight i'm going out with some friends, again. I do this a lot, actually not a lot, but this week i sure have. I think monday and thursday are the only days i didn't go out this week. It's gonna be kinda funny when wade calls to talk, and i'm out with friends so i can't really talk...and he's gonna be like ok...i'll call you tomorrow. Cause he does this to me ALL the time. So ha...a taste of your own medicine...but at the same time...revenge isn't the answer and thats not whats going on here. Whats going on is i'm going out with friends instead of sitting around waiting for his phone call.

I do a lot of waiting. I hate waiting. I have no patience. Thus the title of my blog. Patience. Maybe everytime i log on i will think to myself, oh yes i need to be patient. God tries really really hard to teach me this, he has been doing it for a long time. I still haven't gotten it but thats my fault, i just don't want to wait.

Ok...later!