Thoughts....sometimes scary...sometimes painful....

Some thoughts I've had today....

-I've learned what I know I do not want, but I also know I have much to learn.

-I started wondering if I have random interactions, and do informal ministry to simply start the idea of "Christianity" into peoples lives. Like, I'm the one that simply helps them get the ball rolling. Is that what my purpose is? Is that my "job" that God knows I am capable of doing?
- Maybe Im only meant to make the pin hole, or simply plant the seed. But God will try with all He has to stretch me, and that frightens me to the core of my being.

-Ephesians 5. It's a good chapter of an amazing book, in the best book ever written, The Bible. It states, "...live a life of love..." Folks, ( ok honestly there are probably like 5 people total that read this, so I could simply say family...but oh well) I have discovered what I believe is the meaning of life. LOVE! no, not the romantic love that I read about in all my stupid easy romance novels. I mean love. The hard stuff. I am simply asked to love God. Then go out and let the love that He has poured into me spill out to every person I meet. Sometimes this is an extreme struggle, but its so rewarding. People don't understand how fun it is to love them. For who they are. not for who they could be or have been, but for who they are right at that moment. Does that mean i say, "hey go for life and live it how you want" to those who aren't making the best choices? No! Sometimes love is also used in discipline. (thanks mom and dad!) Sometimes love is tough, and hard to accept.

I love you for who you are. Outside, inside, inside out and all around. I love you for being who you are, for doing things you were created to do at your best, for being different than me. For simply being my brother or sister in Christ. I'm not asking you to love me if I love you, I'm going to love you anyway. If you hate me I will love you. (or try my hardest to, sometimes its hard)

If you ever think this love has to be returned, do not return it to me. First, return it to our Creator, Lover, Sustainer, Lord, King, and Heavenly Father. Show Him your love through your actions, through your words and give it all up to him. Then, go out and return it to a stranger you pass on the street or in the grocery store. Pass it to your family members, or friends. Pass it to the neighbor that drives you crazy. To the neighbor that can't stop making racket, or mow their lawn. Show it to the young kids on the street.

OH the joys of college life.

Where to start? I honestly have no clue.

I think I have officially reached insanity! Think about it, what on earth would make me want to set up camp 700 miles from home? What would make me actually start a life here, and make friends, find a job, and start a successful trend. Why on earth would I want to put myself through all that stress?

Then I begin to wonder if maybe its God who's crazy and not me, I mean after all He is the one who called me into Youth Ministry.

I'm going to classes Mon., Wed., and Fri. On Tues., Thur., Sat., and Sun. I work at an adorably cute store, Angel Food Bakery. It's perfect and my co-workers are amazing. God has a plan for me there, but I'm not quite sure what that is yet. I help out with the After Hours tutoring/mentoring program hosted on campus on Tues., Wed., and Thur., afternoons. The kids are a bundle of energy that I am going to have to get used to. I'm hoping to write for all three issues of Hands On, which is an online magazine that gets awareness out about different justice issues. The November issue is on the Middle East.

I am insane.

I have dreams and aspiriations coming out of ears. I want to aquire so much in such a short amount of time. It kind of reminds me of the times my parents would tell me to slow down while eating because no one was going to take my food away. I suppose I do have my whole life to achieve everything I would love to do. like start my own coffee shop and my own magazine for teen girls. (mainly middleschool girls), be in charge/own my own Christian camp, be a nomad for about a decade. Going from city to city about 2 years at a time and making a new life for myself. Go out and find a job and an apartment for two years and say, "Ok God use me!"

I am excited to see what else God's got in store....we'll find out soon enough I'm sure!