May 2

A year ago today, it was sunny, and the grass was green and I think we might have already have had a few flowers planted. The rock garden was weeded at least. We'd had days of sunshine.

A year ago today, I'm sure I worked at the good ole, 'Bou. And I'm sure I made the same old drinks. We were promoting Amy's Blend.

A year ago today, I probably played some piano, tried writing my own tunes, fiddle-farted around.

A year ago today, I was not who I am today. I was jolted out of my happy, safe world.

A year ago today, I sat at the kitchen table. I had my legs crossed. I faced the window. The front door was open and as the sun was setting it was streaming through the screen door. The kitchen light was off. The dog was on his bed. Mom was on my left, dad was on my right. Mom told me she had cancer. I was the first to know. And I sat at that table while she called S and S. And I sat at that table while she called Grandma B. And I listened to Grandma B. on speaker phone, cry out, "No, no, no. Nanette." over and over. And I cried.

Today I sit on the couch alone in an empty house. I see the dreary day. The neighbors dog Shank is out running around with his toys. Buddy is laying practically under the couch. I hear the words that were said, vibrating through my mind loud and clear. "I had some tests done today..." I see the expression on dad's face. Distressed. I taste the saltiness of the tears that have landed on my lips. I feel the lump in my throat grow bigger. And I cry.

Today, I am not who I was a year ago. I live in a cruel, ruthless world.

Today, I sat at the piano and like every other day the last 5 months, I haven't been able to play or sing without tears pouring down my face. I can't think of anything to write about, except the sadness that dwells in the air.

Today, I worked at the good ole 'Bou and made the same old drinks. We're promoting our Roastmaster's Reserve Coffee.

Today, we've had approximately two spring days. It snowed a week ago and is forcasted to snow again tomorrow. The rock garden has yet to be weeded and I've got plans to buy and plant flowers. (Depending on the weather.)