Indecisive

It was a lovely holiday with the sisters, and relatives, and dad.

I no longer say parents. I say dad.

And I miss my mom.

And I sit here, after a long day thinking,
"Wow! I took so much for granted. Everything mom did. Everything mom was."

And I'm not too tired now, but in a few minutes I'm sure it will hit me.

But for now I ponder whether it was a good idea to post.

I mean after all, its my blog I can write whatever I'd like to write. And it's meant to keep people updated on how things are going.

But is this something people need to be updated on?!

And I click on the, "Publish Post" button, because I'm tired of caring whether its "okay" or not.

And reality shoots with great precision. Straight to the heart. After the masses have left, and the house is silent. I find I hate (I know its a strong word) that she's gone. Although it is much, much better that she be out of pain and in heaven having a blast, and I am happy for that. I am deeply saddened at the loss. And deeply hurt at how unfair reality is. And deeply lost at who I'm supposed to call after work to ask, "do you need anything?"

And so today, I miss her, and I hate this.