Discovery Zone

I have been at a loss for words.

But I am finding a never ending well of tears.

I am at a loss for explanation.

But I am finding plenty more questions and confusion.

I am at a loss for energy and sleep.

But I am discovering energy drinks.

I wont sugar coat things. I wont make it sound like I've got it under control, because with each day that passes I discover I actually do not have control of anything. And well, me being who I am, I do not like this "not being in control" situation. It actually drives me quite crazy.

But I'm discovering, when I let go and realize I can't control something, other people step in.

I do not enjoy crying. Actually I think I am allergic to my own tears because I get all these tiny little red dots all over my eyes everytime I cry. It ruins my make-up and runs down my immune system. Because when I cry, snot fills my nose, and I've never been a good kleenex user so I suck it all in, and then I get a "sorta-cold". I've cried so intensely in the last 2 days I've hyperventilated, lost my cookies, and fallen over.

I'm discovering, it's okay for me to cry.

I do not enjoy asking for help. And reality is, I will need help. Maybe not right this instant, or tomorrow, or next month. But at one point or another I will. And I will have to learn how to ask for that help.

I'm discovering when I find it in myself to ask for help, I've got a great number of people who are more than willing to step up.

I work a lot. I have a number of friends that I actually do enjoy seeing, and I like to get out of the house at least once everyday.

I'm discovering, that nothing else matters right now except spending the time she's awake and I'm around together.

I never realized how difficult "discovering" could be.